I feel at my best when I feel connected to someone.
When I really understand the other person, and they understand me.
It creates a space where amazing things can happen.
Whether it's at work or at home, that usually/hopefully means that the other person and I leave a conversation a little better than when it started. That we feel better for knowing each other.
Positive outcomes often follow, and this then becomes a repeating cycle.
Would you like to create more of these moments? When you genuinely feel connected to another person?
If so I highly recommend Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg.
Here are a few of my key outtakes...
When you feel connected to someone it's incredibly powerful.
Not only do your pupils dilate the same amount, your pulses start to match, and you feel the same emotions.
This leads to a deep understanding of each other, and from here incredible things can happen.
You can't fake it, but you can improve the skills you already have, to do it better, more naturally and more often.
Charles' book explains how some people do it naturally all the time, but most importantly, that everyone can do it better when they understand how.
It all starts by understanding the flow of the conversation, asking open ended questions, truly listening, and responding in the right way.
Or as he puts it - listening for someones truth, and putting your own truth next to it.
Conversations typically revolve around three different elements:
- Decision making - what we are trying to decide.
- Emotional mindset - what we are feeling.
- Social mindset - who are we amongst others.
Nearly every conversation will flow between these three things constantly.
The secret is to try and connect at an emotional level.
And you can do this by listening to what they are they really saying and how they really feel - something that you might usually skim over, but instead acknowledge, ask open ended questions about to explore values and beliefs, and share something in return.
Reading the book left me reflecting what my personal and professional life would be like if I could have more of these conversations... if we could all create more of them.
When was the last time you really felt connected to someone and what was the outcome?
I'm Sam, the CEO of 7DOTS, a digital innovation agency that creates category-defining digital experiences. I love connecting with people and creating amazing things together.
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First published on LinkedIn.
